To Love? Hatred.

There's a scientific finding that concluded "hate is of a closer emotion to love than anger", I believe that. When I feel anger I am bathed in frustration but when I feel hatred I hate with a passion. 

"Love is to hate to lose someone and hate is the love to lose someone."

I think the similarity between hate and love wasn't immediately evident to me until I began to hate someone tremendously. Caveat: I don't normally hate people, so please don't avoid me when you see me on the streets! But in all seriousness, I began with a 'like' for this person that escalated to an infatuation that, thankfully, did not blossom to love. Ever since our connection became sour I was sad and felt unappreciated (I was) then when meeting them for the first time in months I was calmly apathetic but… rather than a normal indifferent apathy it was really a silent hate. 

At first I thought, "this can't possibly be right, I'm just feeling a little upset and angry" but no, after further thinking into the matter, I concluded that I must really hate them now. It was an abundance of emotion that has collected into a ball; frustration, sadness, anger; because when I think about it apathy would not lead me to think about this person all the time, still, to this day. Now I have resigned myself to the thought that I hate this person and probably will be from here on forward, which admittedly is surprising and a rather sobering thought because I never knew I can hate a person to such an extent. 

Being the person I am, I began to look into the matter, and rather than analysing with my feelings, I began to analyse it from a psychological point of view. I deduce my feelings for this person hasn't dissipated, but rather shifted from a passionate infatuation to a fervent hatred (the silent but deadly kind). I suspect I won't get over this 'emotion' anytime too soon for I am too stubborn to do such a thing.

Indeed, too stubborn.

Politeness Aside?

What is the best course of action to take in removing or unfollowing someone on social media? This has never really occurred to me until now and the social network in question is Twitter. The task is especially delicate given how many people I follow that I know of in real life. 

In terms of social media, especially in networks with a greater amount of anonymity than Facebook, I try to keep a low profile, especially from my real life friends (this is surprisingly not that hard to do!). Granted, I have used my real name and associated my name to my pseudonym which makes it easier for people to search for me but surprisingly apart from Facebook a greater amount of my friends don't go to other networks as regularly. But for the small few that do know me on Twitter I somehow feel obligated to keep following them despite knowing that the content of their posts are often not of substantial qualities. 

This delicate balance on keeping my stream relevant for myself but at the same time keeping a politeness by following these friends of mine is quite a challenge. Now the question becomes, do I want to keep my stream clean? Or, would I rather subconsciously ignore these friends' posts? Given how small the amount is, I'm more than happy to keep it to the latter but not everyone has such a luxury. 

I do realise it's not an obligation to follow those people that follow you first but those people that you know in real life, that you see almost every other day, there has to be some social media conflict in that regard. Especially when they're polluting your stream with irrelevant posts and clogging your stream.

But in any case, for my own sanity, I think I should just ignore the offending tweets and perhaps in the future stealthily unfollow this person. 

The 'Immortals'

Mortality is a rather funny thing isn't it? And I guess the old saying, "you never know what you have until you lose it" is rather true. It didn't strike me when I heard the news nor the day followed it but on the bus ride to work (odd but true) it suddenly dawned on me, I've really taken something for granted. 

A family friend recently passed away, and it was a sad occasion, yes, but it didn't terribly occur to me beyond it being a rather sad news. She hasn't been well but it was a shock (to everyone) at how quick and rather unexpected news her passing was. She was a family friend. Someone I'm not close with. I, personally, had no emotional connection to her nor her family (as unemotional and cruel that may sound).

But then I remembered the times that she would bring us food (she was an awesome cook) and share things that she had cooked. They were always very delicious and full of motherly care. I mean, I hardly talk to her nor know her as a person but these food were enough to remind me that I do know her, I know her quite well. And now, I'm going to miss her. 

It's rather sad to know that as you grow older the people that you think will live forever slowly disappears from your life. One by one. Some without warning. Some in great agony. Others, peacefully. 

The 'immortal' grown-ups, who tower over you and will be able to solve all the world's problems, these people that you always have to crane your neck up to see their faces shadowed by the glaring sun. These 'Immortals'. They never were. This is the sad reality that you will always bear with you as you slowly grow older, take things for granted and live selfishly.

The ones that you think will always have that perfect smile. The ones that you think will always have their dark lush hair swept by the wind. The ones that you think will never have a crease on their youthful faces nor a hunch on their backs. These 'Immortals'. 

In the end even if they don't live forever they are precious to me. They are the ones to be cherished and respected. The ones that didn't change the world but changed you. 

When my day comes, I hope to be one of them. The 'Immortals'.